We actually are a full-service agency. With a full-service agency, we do everything to make your brand dominant in the category so you make all the money and get grotesquely rich. We think up a strategy. That strategy drives creative. Creative drives purchases. Clients drive Ferraris.

With a self-service agency, which is what so many are these days, you “pump your own ideas,” then the agency takes credit for them and bills you for the aggravation of having to sit through so many long meetings while you thought up the ideas they used on your behalf.

If anyone ever tells you that, smash them with the nearest bar stool. If there is no bar stool present, a midget will do. They’re liars. They’re phonies. They’ll steal your money. The dweeb who said they’re “passionate about your brand”, not the midget. The midget was an innocent, collateral damage. Don’t worry about the midget. Midgets can’t die.

We’re not passionate about your brand. To be so would indicate insanity. We are, however, very passionate about you paying our exorbitant creative fee on time. The only way to get you to do that is to sell the hell out of your product. That’s our goal, sell your product like gangsters, so you gleefully pay us a lot of money for making you repulsively rich. Win, WIN.

“Social Media” an oxymoron, more moron than oxy. A platform that people stare at like zombies where you can sell stuff to them. It is not a magical genie farm, so don’t get aroused when some ad pimp starts braying to you about their “social media” expertise. That crap is 20 years old, people stare at it, so you sell there. Rocket science made easy.

The mafia? No, but you’re getting warmer. Someone bored people with no life call upon to tell them what to do. We have some flavor-of-the-second dingbat push your product in a manner we know will drive sales of your product. “Hooker-lite” we call it. The influenced throngs then buy your gadgets. You get rich. You start wearing velvet underwear and a beret. Your mother catches you. You stop. The end.

99.9% of all people in the business of “marketing” and/or “advertising” can’t give you a clear definition if you ask them. Hit them. With your car.

Marketing: What we’re selling, to whom, what we’re gonna say.

Advertising: How we say what we say, to get the target to buy your widget.

Now you know more than 99.9% of the people with cool titles and hipster scarves perched in lofts belching bullshit about “marketing” and “advertising” this, that and the other.

Welcome to genius.

The abbreviation is “B.S.” Show me a typewriter, I’ll show you non-digital. Show me any modern communication device that uses electricity, I’ll show you “digital”. If anyone tells you they have a “digital marketing agency”, punch them in the face.

You give us money, we give you even more back in sales. You do it again. We do this repeatedly. You change your name to a symbol.

All ideas are proudly 100% American made, from American materials.